I couldn’t sleep that night and cried miserably, not because I was afraid of death, but because I was so angry that I couldn’t bear such an ugly side. After the war, I came home. I was very mechanical and had nothing to do, so I planned to find a job in an automobile factory. I was injured in the war and then my family asked me to work, but I couldn’t do it. I felt very meaningless when I expected to work. I often wondered repeatedly what my purpose in life was. I was purely lucky to survive. I hoped to be able to do it, but I didn’t know what to do before. The emperor didn’t have any special thoughts, but I remembered him at that time. I didn’t know what evil world would be. My bosom friend knew it well but there was no one to teach it, but I wanted to order something and read it at random. I told Father Ensim about it.

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You have been studying for four years, haven’t you? Have you found the answer? He asked me.
Have you finished? I said
He looked at me with a kind face, which made me confused. I didn’t know what I had said that would make him react like this. His fingers tapped on the table as if he were thinking something.
He said that our church, which has a long history and is full of wisdom, will get the true faith and pray when it finds that it believes in religion and practices rituals. Although doubts remain sincere, doubts will be eliminated. According to the accumulated experience from ancient times to the present, it has been proved that worship has a great influence on the spirit. Before you can enjoy the ceremony, you will be quiet in a beautiful day. I will go back to the monastery soon. Do you want to go back to live together for a few weeks? You can work in the field with other monks and go to the library to see it in the evening. This experience is also very interesting and will not be lost to workers in mines or farms.
Why would you suggest this? I asked.
I’ve been observing you for three months, and maybe I know you better than yourself. In fact, there is a fine line between your beliefs.
I didn’t answer, which seemed to strike a chord. It was a strange feeling that I finally said that I would think about the priest and stop talking about it. He stayed in Bonn for the rest of the day, and we never talked about religion again. But he left the address of the monastery before leaving, saying that I decided to send him a message, and he would arrange accommodation for me. Later, I found that I really missed him. It was midsummer in Bonn, and the summer was very pleasant. I read Goethe Schiller Heine and Holdrin Rilke, but I still couldn’t find an answer. I often thought about Father Ensim’s words and finally decided to accept
We made an appointment to meet in the car. Father Ensim, a monastery in Alsace, introduced me to the abbot, and took me to the assigned small room. The crucifix of Jesus was hung on the wall, and the furnishings were simple. When the dinner bell rang, I went to the canteen. The abbot was at the door, and two monks took a basin of water and a towel, respectively. The abbot sprinkled a few drops of water on the guests’ hands to clean them, and then the monks handed the towel to dry them. Besides me, there were three guests, two of whom were passing by the priest and stayed for dinner. The other one was a
The dean and two vice presidents were seated in front of the main dining room. The priests were seated on both sides of the wall to see the monks and monks. After the guests sat in the middle of the dining room and prayed, everyone moved. Once the meal was over, everyone made another prayer. Dean Ensim, the priest, the guests and monks all went into the small room to drink coffee. After chatting, I went back to my room.
I stayed for three months before and after, and my life style there was completely suitable for me. The attached pictures were rich in collection. I read a lot of priests, and instead of teaching me, I was very happy to talk to me about their godliness and refined temperament. I deeply admired them, but they were actually quite busy living and sowing everything, so I was very happy that I could help me with the grand ceremony, but the most important thing was to sit in the church at four o’clock in the morning or wear it around the night, which particularly moved people. It’s quite mysterious that the hood covers the head. They sing liturgical poems with a strong voice. Day after day, activities follow the law, giving people a sense of security. Although I spent a lot of energy, I never stopped thinking and I could get enough rest.
Larry smiled with a slightly regretful expression.
I came to this world as late as Lola 5. I should have lived in the Middle Ages. At that time, faith was a matter of course, so I could see clearly my direction and try to enter the church. At that time, although I wanted to believe in the emperor, I couldn’t do anything. The emperor was not more noble than the average person. Therefore, I sincerely believed that the priests said that the emperor created everything to celebrate himself. In my opinion, this is really not very noble. Is Beethoven also celebrating himself? I don’t believe that he created it because the music in his soul needed a mouth, so he tried to express his music vividly.
I often listen to monks praying repeatedly before meals, thinking about what they can pray again and again, but never questioning the fact that the heavenly father gave them food. Generally speaking, do children beg their fathers to give them food? They all take it for granted, and they will neither thank nor thank their fathers for bringing their children into the world, but they will condemn us if they are unwilling to raise them. I think that after the Almighty Creator creates everything, it is not necessary to create it without material and spiritual food.
Dear Larry, I said it’s a good thing you didn’t live in the Middle Ages, otherwise you would definitely be tied to a stake and burned alive.
He is smiling.
You have achieved a lot, he went on to say, do you want others to praise you in person?
I would be very embarrassed.
I think so, too. I don’t believe that the emperor wants people to praise him. When he was a soldier in the army, we looked down on those who fawned on the officers in exchange for good jobs. The brothers tried their best to flatter them and hoped to get the emperor to redeem them. Otherwise, I would rather believe that the emperor tried his best to believe in the public.
But that’s not the problem that bothers me the most. What I can’t accept is my view on crime. As far as I know, monks are more or less concerned about this matter. I know many brothers in the army. They will get drunk or hook up with women at every opportunity and swear. One or two guys in our army are particularly troublesome. They were arrested at the first ticket and sentenced to six months in prison. But it’s not all his fault. He came to be a poor boy and got carried away when he met that astronomical figure. After I met many bad guys in Paris and returned to Chicago. There are more bad people, but their evil is not a legacy or environmental factors. People should be more responsible for these evils. If I am the emperor, I will never punish them cruelly. Even heinous criminals should not suffer in hell forever. Father Ensim’s comparison of thoughts shows that he thinks that there is no emperor in hell, but the punishment is hard enough to be called hell. Will the benevolent emperor bear it? After all, he created human beings and committed crimes. That is the emperor’s will. However, we trained the dog to pounce on a stranger and bite his neck as soon as he entered the door, and then waited until it really bit someone, but we beat it up
The world is really good. Why should the emperor create evil? The monks said that this is to see if human beings can resist evil and resist temptation, and treat pain and sorrow as a test of washing the soul before they finally deserve his grace. This is like sending a messenger to other places, but they don’t want him to achieve it easily. They want him to swim through the road and build a wall. I really can’t believe that I can’t believe in an emperor who has never made things. This emperor is far more intelligent than human beings, and will try his best to fight against the evil created by others. Maybe he will eventually.
For me, I was puzzled that the priests could neither understand nor be emotional. It was a waste of time for me to stay there, so I said goodbye to Father Ensim. He didn’t ask me if this experience had brought me anything, but he looked at me angrily.
I’m afraid I’ve failed your kindness, father, I said
There is no such thing. He replied that although you don’t believe in the emperor, you are very devout, and the emperor will get you back. Only then will he know where you will go.
four
Later, I stayed in Paris until the end of winter. I didn’t know anything about science. I thought it was time to get some fur. I read a lot and didn’t know how much I knew, but I realized before that when spring came, I went to a riverside hotel in my hometown to stay in an antique and beautiful town nearby. There were many such towns in France, where time seemed to stay two hundred years ago.
I guess that’s where Larry Susan stayed that summer, but I didn’t interrupt him.
Later, I went to Spain to see Velá zquez. greco was curious about the religious law. So, can art point a way? I wandered around for a while and came to Seville. I thought that city was going to stay for the winter.
When I was 23 years old, I went to Seville, and I was also deeply fascinated by the winding white streets, the magnificent cathedral, the Guadakiwei River, and I love Andalusian women’s charm. They have deep shining eyes, their black hair and carnations set each other off, and their hair color looks darker and their flowers are more gorgeous. I also admire their delicate skin color and attractive lips. Youth is beautiful. Larry was a little older than me when he arrived in Seville, so I can’t help but wonder if he is still indifferent to these sexy things. He seems to have read my mind and answered.
I met a painter I met in Paris. His name was Auguste Cotai. He once lived with Susan Rouvier for a while. He came to Seville to sketch and paint, and lived with a girl who hooked up with him. One night, he asked me to go to the Aretania Theatre to listen to Franco’s singer. They also brought a girl friend. I have never seen such a petite girl. When she was ten years old, she accidentally got pregnant and left her hometown, and her boyfriend went to military service. After giving birth to her child, she found a wet nurse to help and got a job in a tobacco factory. Take her home. A few days later, I asked her if she wanted to move in with me. She immediately agreed, so we found a family-style hotel and rented a bedroom and a living room. I told her to quit her job, but she wouldn’t, because I could stay at home during the day. The kitchen was public. She would help me prepare breakfast before work. At noon, we would come back to cook lunch. At night, we would go out to watch movies after dinner or find a place to dance. She always laughed at me because I had a rubber tub and insisted on cold sponge every day. Her child lived in a village far from Seville. Leah is a few miles away. We visit her every Sunday, and we also admit that living with me requires money for decoration. When her boyfriend finishes his military service, they will rent an apartment together. She is a lovely girl, and she will surely make a good wife. She is warm and passionate, and regards sex as a body, which is different from eating, drinking and sleeping. She can enjoy pleasure as well as give people pleasure. She is like a small animal, but she is very attractive, beautiful and gentle.
One night, she mentioned that her boyfriend PaCO sent a letter from Western Morocco, saying that she would be discharged from the army for two days and would arrive in Cadiz. The next morning, she packed her luggage and stuffed the money in her pantyhose, and then I sent her to the car. Before she entered the carriage, she kissed me warmly. But she was full of longing for the reunion of her lover. I’m sure she would forget all about me before the train left. I continued to live in Seville until autumn, then left for the east and finally arrived in India.
five
It’s late at night, the crowds are scattered, and there are more and more shops and tables. Everyone has gone home to watch a play or a movie, and people have gone to drink and have a midnight snack. Occasionally, individual guests wander in. I saw a tall Englishman coming in with a young ruffian. His English knowledge is common, his long face is becoming thinner and thinner, and his curly hair expression is obviously the same as many people abroad, so he won’t be recognized by his compatriots by mistake. The Englishman wolfed down a big plate and treated him with kindness. His appetite is amazing. I also saw a familiar one. Male: We are all regulars in a hair salon in Nice. He is a stout old man with gray hair, red face and heavy bags under his eyes. He is a banker in the Midwest of the United States. After the Great Depression, he would rather leave the city where he was born than be investigated by the authorities. I don’t know that he committed a crime without committing a crime. I’m afraid the French government is too lazy to extradite him. He behaves arrogantly and pretends to be enthusiastic like three politicians, but his eyes reveal fear and depression. He is always half drunk and half awake, and he always follows him as much as possible. Blackmail his prostitute. Today, two middle-aged women with heavy makeup are sitting in the shop. They make no secret of mocking him. He will giggle. Life is really extravagant. I thought it might be better for him to stay at home and take medicine. It’s hard to guarantee that one day he will be wiped clean by a woman and jump into the river or be killed by medicine.
About two o’clock, the number of guests increased. I think the nightclubs closed one after another. A group of American youths paced in and got drunk and made a lot of noise, but they soon left the neighborhood. Two sullen and fat women were tightly wrapped in male makeup and sat side by side drinking whisky and soda. Later, a group of people dressed in ceremony, that is, the French name should be to play all over the nightclubs and want to have a midnight snack before going home. After eating, they dissolved the restaurant. The newspaper-reading man aroused my curiosity. He was short, dressed simply and wore black glasses with pincers. After staying for more than an hour in front of him, a woman finally came to see him. He nodded coldly. Presumably, she was sulking because of the long time. The woman was quite young, dressed casually and looked very tired. Soon the woman took a bag from her handbag and filled it with money. He glanced at it and his face sank. I couldn’t hear clearly, but from the female behavior, it should be an ugly word, and she seemed to be trying to explain it. Suddenly, the man leaned forward and dumped her with a loud slap. She let out a whoop. Swallowing up, the restaurant rushed to the place when it heard the commotion. It seemed that if they didn’t obey the rules, they would have to turn away from the woman and face the swearing in a sharp tone, telling him to mind his own business. It was so loud that it was difficult for important people not to hear it.
So what if he slapped me in the face? I yelled at her
Women, if a man wants to rely on women to sell himself to support him, he is small, strong and charming, ready to use knives and guns with others at any time, and this short and wretched guy looks like a lawyer at best, but he can occupy a place in the circle of full-fledged gigolo.
six
Our waiter delivered the bill to the next shift. The bill was so small that we finished the bill and ordered coffee.
And then what? I asked
I think Larry wants to talk about it, and I’m interested in listening.
Don’t you think chatting?
No
Well, I later arrived in Mumbai, where the ferry stayed for three days for tourists to visit. On the afternoon of the third day, I happened to walk on the shore off duty. I wandered around and watched the people coming and going. It was a hodgepodge. China people, Mohammedans, Indians, with dark skin and humpback horns, pulled a bullock cart. Later, I visited the Elephant Island Grottoes. An Indian had boarded a boat in Alexandria before, and the tourists were planning to come to Mumbai. He was short and fat, with a brown round face and a black and green plaid suit, and his neck was tied around the priest I was breathing on the deck and he came to talk to me. Unfortunately, I was too lazy to talk at that time and wanted to be alone. He asked a lot of questions, and I didn’t like to say that I was working along the way to earn a trip back to the United States.
You should stay in India for a while. Oriental knowledge is much richer than western imagination, he said.
Really? I asked